3 Rules For Social Media
Posted by Matt Singley on September 18, 2009 under Security and Privacy, Social Networking | 
78 Comments to Read
One of the wonderful things about social media is that it’s still a bit of the Wild West. Sites like Twitter, Facebook and YouTube, while all covered nicely with their Terms of Service Agreements, are really very self-governing in terms of what content is produced. When I talk to thought leaders and everyday users of these spaces about rules and norms, the divide is evenly split, with half saying that there should be rules imposed, the other half saying that it’s free speech all the way. I tend to fall into the latter camp, although I do have three rules of my own that I try to follow. Why? Because I really do believe in social norms, and even though we are interacting with people in a digital sense, we are still interacting…we’re sharing the space and I want to do my part to be a good person.
If that reason isn’t compelling enough and you think I want to just sit around and hold hands with all of my digital friends, singing Kumbaya and roasting S’mores over some UGC campfire, then consider this: what you say online today will likely be searchable (and therefore discoverable) forever. You may not care about having an outburst on Twitter right now because it doesn’t affect you, but down the road you may be in another position altogether, perhaps looking for a job.
Both of these are reasons enough for me to watch what I publish, so I have adopted these three basic guidelines.
- No Swearing. That’s right, I just don’t do it online. I can’t say that I am quite this controlled in real life, and no doubt I have said some things that could make the most hardened sailor blush, but I refrain online. A casual glance at my Tweetdeck at any given moment usually reveals an F-bomb or two..or ten. Good enough for you, and have at it, I am not throwing stones. I chose not to do this, however.
- Keep Public and Private Life Separate. This one is tricky. First of all, I recognize that the very nature of social networks is to get to know each other better, to interact…and who wants to do that with a robot? I certainly don’t keep everything in my private life off the computer screen, but I would say that I keep a good 90% of it to myself, and I’ve been operating this way for many years now. Probably the most personal I get is occasionally putting up pictures of my kids on Facebook, but that is the only place that I will do that. It’s a somewhat private place (barely), and I only had to have a couple of odd emails from strangers asking me to “put up more videos of your kids playing in the mud” to realize that what we do online can and will be seen by perverts, scumbags, creeps and stalkers. I do my best to keep the stalker-fodder to a minimum. Also, and this is a very important point, I think it’s annoying at best and inappropriate at worst when people share intimate (and often gross) information about themselves in public forums. It feels like the social media equivalent of exhibitionism, and I don’t like it.
- Stay Positive. I haven’t always been able to maintain this one, but I think I get it right about 95% of the time. There are plenty of people that get a nice bit of attention from being constantly sarcastic and negative, but based upon my two reasons above for having these rules in the first place, I do not want to be one of those people. I do have a couple of categories in the “stay positive” area. First, it’s almost a non-negotiable that I stay positive with real people. What I mean is that I refrain from saying anything negative about another person online, even if that person is saying rude or aggressive things about me (which happens more than I would like to think). Typically I will just ignore them, as well as blocking or unfollowing them. What isn’t a non-negotiable is how I interact with brands. I have been known to go on a rant after particularly bad customer service experiences, a social media temper tantrum of sorts. While I try to be constructive with my criticism, sometimes this isn’t always possible…you know the companies I’m talking about.
Do you know how I came up with these three rules for social media? I simply considered what is expected of me in real life. If I go to a networking event, cocktail party or conference where I am with anybody but my closest friends, this is how I would act. Why then should it be different online? I don’t think it should. Online communities may allow us to carry ourselves somewhat differently, and it sure is easy to hide behind a keyboard and monitor…but in the end they are real communities of real people, all trying to get to know one another a little better. That, my friends, is why I try to behave.
Do you have any self-imposed rules or guidelines that you follow for your online communities?
Photo credit: DanBrady used under the Creative Commons License
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Tweets that mention 3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization -- Topsy.com said,
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Chris Bailey said,
Matt, you’re far more disciplined than I am. While I don’t throw f-bombs around online (offline is another story), I’ll pepper my language with a few choice words – though bearing in mind that its possible to over-season anything and ruin it.
As an anthropologist, what interests me is that we’re still trying to figure out what the social norms are in an online world. While many norms are compatible online and offline, how they are practiced can be very different.
Thomas Wigington said,
The social sites would be far more pleasant if everyone was as civil. I hope your self-imposed rules catch on.
@johnflurry said,
Matt, @jeremiahosgo and I had this exact conversation with our Exec. Director at @consbio this afternoon. CBI is near total adoption of Social Media but we are at that point of asking what rules do we follow. We came very close to the three you mentioned. Personally I think I use these myself too. I really believe in #3. I probably am more personal in my online activity but I guess I am comfortable with that. Good stuff man. It was great chatting this afternoon too.
3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization » Social Marketing said,
[...] 3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization [...]
3 Rules For Social Media « Joe The Flow said,
[...] [read] [...]
CT Moore said,
I think point #1 is f**king stupid — and that’s how I get around it
As for point #2, I think you’re right. Transparency doesn’t have be unadulterated — i.e. just because you have an opinion or inclination of some sort, it doesn’t mean that you must share it with your audience.
Vince said,
Staying positive is a big one that I have learned. It’s so easy to be a curmudgeon on social media.
Twitter and Facebook Do’s and Don not’s « A First Time Blogger said,
[...] inagural “social media” category post is on an article posted by Matt Singley on his blog. The post titled, “3 rules for social media” offers sound advice for the common person. [...]
Julio R Varela said,
Matt, this is sooo good. What inredible value to add for people. Besides the content, what I love more is your writing style. It is open, charming, and does not talk down to the reader. Good for you for offering help to others. That’s the way. (and yes, my Bronx background can get me in trouble sometimes with my mouth, but I too try to follow the social norms)
A pleasure to read.
Julio
mmeganh said,
Love it! I’ve had to explain to straight out of college co-workers that they might want to remove reference to “Mary Jane” from their Facebook wall if they ever want to get another job…
Anca said,
This is a great list. I use these rules, as well as a couple more:
4. Be considerate of other peoples’ privacy. Just as I avoid posting stuff that’s too personal about MY life, so I avoid posting stuff about other people. This includes not showing my Facebook friends list to the non-authenticated masses.
5. Be succinct and meaningful. Never say in 3 posts what you can say in 1. Remember that your readers can easily filter you out.
Ricardo Bueno said,
I definitely think that the second point (keeping professional and personal separate) is a bit more challenging but it’s important. You have to draw the line at some point. If you don’t, it quickly impacts your business and the image that you’re trying to project about your business and that’s just not good (obviously).
TJ Dietderich said,
Good rules, Matt. I try to tweet and post with one rule in mind: is what I’m saying going to be useful or funny to anyone, and/or is it a sentiment that people can identify with? I have started and then not published so many tweets or blog posts that are basic “this bus is so slow today” whinges for the good of the world.
Susan Birk said,
I would add: Be yourself. Be genuine. Be tactful, just as you would face to face (hopefully). Try to share good information, but balance it with fun. Keep the focus on connecting with people and community rather than self promotion.
Jim Gray said,
This is the kind of wisdom we need…
Mark Peesel said,
I agree completely. Especially the part about cussing. Our language is so full and rich that there are plenty of other options out there instead of cussing. I wrote a post a while back about 5 rules for Twitterers I won’t follow and number 4 is cussing. http://bit.ly/qoCZr
Here are all 5, as I think they’re appropriate to this post:
1. Are their tweets boring?
2. Are all their tweets inside jokes?
3. Are all their tweets trying to get me to buy something form them that I know is gonna be too good to be true?
4. Do they cuss?
5. Is your profile picture a picture of you barely in a bikini?
Hopefully, your rules will start to stick.
Thanks!
Mark
mattsingley said,
3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
emellemjoe said,
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This comment was originally posted on Twitter
thomaswigington said,
RT @mattsingley: 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
johnflurry said,
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This comment was originally posted on Twitter
myrssbuddy said,
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Laales said,
The rules of the Inn apply! RT @mattsingley: 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Twixelme said,
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This comment was originally posted on Twitter
nmenendez said,
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joetheflow said,
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joltsocialmedia said,
3 Rules For Social Media http://bit.ly/1aik3h
#socialmedia
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mattsingley said,
3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
mayhemstudios said,
3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe (via @mattsingley)
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unreal_g said,
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This comment was originally posted on Twitter
gregpincus said,
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daftks said,
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This comment was originally posted on Twitter
FunomenalRealtr said,
RT @mattsingley 3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization http://bit.ly/2VLbhQ
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
merylkevans said,
@mattsingley “Do you know how I came up with 3 rules for SM? I considered what is expected of me in real life.” http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
merylkevans said,
RT @mattsingley “Do u know how I came up w 3 rules for SM? I considered what is expected of me in real life.” http://bit.ly/3pDDxe Right on!
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ericjkrause said,
RT @gregpincus RT @mattsingley: 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
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socialagent_ said,
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paulbarrow said,
3 Rules for Social Media http://ow.ly/qcmd
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
aliusdesigns said,
RT @mayhemstudios: 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe (via @mattsingley)
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
dbmc said,
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mattsingley said,
3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
gypsybandito said,
RT @mattsingley: 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
middleda said,
Good basic guidelines RT @mattsingley: 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
DTHCreative said,
These are rules to live by RT @mattsingley 3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization http://bit.ly/2VLbhQ
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legaltypist said,
3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe per @mattsingley §Good information.
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mtaylor654 said,
3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe (via @middleda, via @mattsingley) #envl1011
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MVPSusi said,
RT @LegalTypist: 3 Rules 4 Social Media (how 2 stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe per @mattsingley §Good info
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briitu said,
RT @olammi @mattsingley Rules for Social Media 1) No swearing 2) Keep puplic and private life separate 3) Stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
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Jenny_Tyler said,
RT @mattsingley 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
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FrankMullens said,
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This comment was originally posted on Twitter
LinkedCPA said,
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mjcarter said,
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This comment was originally posted on Twitter
msdollaz said,
Good advice! RT @mjcarter: 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe (via @mattsingley)
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MOPAALI said,
RT @briitu@olammi@mattsingley Rules for Social Media1)No swearing2)Keep puplic and private life separate3)Stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
KingsberyCPAs said,
RT @mattsingley 3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization http://bit.ly/2VLbhQ
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Matt Singley said,
Wow, thanks so much for pointing to my post! Good thoughts here, and I certainly have been known to throw out a WTF or WTH now and again as well. Good inaugural post, I’ll look forward to more as you explore this venue.
This comment was originally posted on A First Time Blogger
middleda said,
@GardnerCampbell Hello! Agree upon common hashtags, & consider this: 3 Rules For Social Media http://bit.ly/3pDDxe (via @mattsingley)
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matthewbooks said,
Both good posts. Although I think the cursing really depends on your audience and what kind of relationship with the author they expect.
This comment was originally posted on A First Time Blogger
RealtorJenn said,
Reading: “http://mattsingley.com/blog/2009/09/3-rules-for-social-media/” (http://twitthis.com/xyntf3)
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mldollaz said,
Thanks, Matt. I hope to learn from well-informed people such as yourself. Keep the good posts coming!
This comment was originally posted on A First Time Blogger
birdy27 said,
RT @julito77: RT @mattsingley 3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization http://bit.ly/2VLbhQ
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kellywissink said,
3 Rules For Social Media http://bit.ly/fVxnC
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robgarciasj said,
I live by the same 3 Rules For Social Media from @mattsingley http://ow.ly/rhw7
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mattsingley said,
I try to follow 3 simple rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Ryan_J_Smith said,
RT @mattsingley: I try to follow 3 simple rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
ironhammer5 said,
RT @mattsingley: I try to follow 3 simple rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Ribeezie said,
RT @mattsingley: I try to follow 3 simple rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
jbielich said,
Genius. RT @mattsingley: I try to follow 3 simple rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
DuncanatVenture said,
3 simple rules for social media: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive – http://ow.ly/rWrE – via @mattsingley:
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
KeelLabs said,
RT @mattsingley: I try to follow 3 simple rules for social media: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
AJuOnLiNE said,
RT @Ziggy420: I try 2 follow 3 simple rules 4 SM: no swearing keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe via @mattsingley
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
bitstrategist said,
RT @mattsingley: 3 rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe (most follow 2, it seems)
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
beaconhillnw said,
RT @mattsingley: I try to follow 3 simple rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life private, stay positive http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
beaconhillnw said,
RT @mattsingley 3 Rules For Social Media » Matt Singley | Social Media Optimization http://bit.ly/2VLbhQ
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
MarianaCardier said,
Yes! (yet I’m guilty of breaking all) RT @mattsingley I try to follow 3 rules for SM: no swearing, keep private life…http://bit.ly/3pDDxe
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
_danbryan said,
3 rules from @mattsingley for SM: http://bit.ly/3pDDxe (via @beaconhillnw)// good read, considering what rules I have & if I follow them
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
beaconhillnw said,
RT @mattsingley 3 Rules For Social Media (how to stay out of trouble as much as possible) http://bit.ly/3pDDxe {Do you have any rules?}
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
nadeemd said,
RT @KellyWissink 3 Rules For Social Media http://bit.ly/fVxnC
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