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Renewing The Line Between Public And Private

February 25, 2010 in Personal,Security and Privacy,Social Networks,Technology,facebook with 27 Comments

When Is Public Info TOO Public?I’ve been thinking about the ever-increasing blurry line between public and private lives now that social media is mainstream.  I’ve personally been opening myself up to the world for about a decade; I started blogging by developing my own (very basic) blogging platform before the term “blog” was popular…and I haven’t looked back since then.

There have been a couple of times that I was alarmed by what people are capable of thinking or doing.  A few years ago I started getting anonymous comments on various videos of my children, asking me to pose them in certain ways or have them do certain things.  Naturally I deleted all traces of the videos online (yes it is possible) and became very aware of what I was posting after that.  Although I was always careful to never name them or reveal the location of my children even before this incident, I became very protective after that and have been quite conscious of what I would and would not publish.  Over the years I have become more widely known because of my marketing and social media work, and although I’m certainly a small fish in a big pond, I do have a lot of connections with people that I’ve never met face to face.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my social media life.  I’ve turned so many of my digital-first relationships into real-life relationships, and I love social media and the way it connects the world. But, and there is always a but…

I’m closing up my personal Facebook profile, restricting it to only people I know in real life.

I was going to post this earlier in the week, but as I was proofing the draft, I skipped over to my blog reader and was quite surprised to see that one of the greats in social media, Darren Rowse the ProBlogger, announced pretty much the same thing.  It’s an excellent article, you can read it here, but it left me thinking that this was the right move for me.  Darren has a much larger audience than I do (and he deserves it!), so pointing people over to his Facebook Fan Page yielded some pretty good results.  The very next day on Twitter I saw that my friend Jessica Gottlieb was doing the same thing…purging Facebook.

Honestly, the announcement of my personal Facebook page going private isn’t big news.  I’m writing this because I am looking at this as perhaps more of a renewing of the line between public and private lives globally.  The pendulum tends to swing in trends…we went from very private (no internet access) to very public (ChatRoulette) and I think we’re going to start seeing a swing back to the private.  It’s not going to go back to total segregation however…I see a hybrid emerging, especially for social media professionals.

I’m closing up my Facebook profile and unfriending people that I don’t personally know…but honestly encouraging them to join me on my fan page.  And yes, I hate the term fan page…who am I that somebody would become a fan? I wish it were worded differently.  But it’s not, so that is what I will develop over time.  I had a conversation with somebody about this today, and they initially said something along the lines of “nice knowing you”, meaning that our digital connection was being cut.  On the contrary, I replied…I really think I’ll be engaging people a lot more with this move. My current Facebook status is automatically updated from my Twitter feed, so it’s actually not all that personal to begin with.  Twitter is still probably the best way to connect with me, but I’m not going to send it over to Facebook anymore; not to my personal or my public page.  We’ll see how it goes.

Hopefully now the separation of worlds will make more sense.  When my Aunt writes on my wall and asks how my mom is, half of my friends won’t wonder what she’s talking about.  When an online friend starts talking to me about HTML5 vs. Flash, half of my friends won’t wonder what he’s talking about.  And out of all of it, I think I can start putting up pictures of my children, and my friends from high school can comment on what good looking kids they are….because they really are good looking kids!

Thanks for understanding! I would love it if you would join me on my public Facebook page (I’m going to be careful to not call it a fan page), and if you have been thinking about this separation of public and private lives, I would love to hear about it in the comments or on Twitter. Or even on my new f** page.  ;)

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Bathroom photo used under Creative Commons from Brymo

About Matt Singley: I run this joint. Always looking for feedback, and if there is something you want me to write about, just let me know! Thanks for stopping by.


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27 Responses to “Renewing The Line Between Public And Private”

  1. Mike Mathews February 25, 2010 at 11:08 pm #

    Good plan and completely understandable reaction. My only question is why you and others didn’t do this years ago, but I understand. Like you, my FB page is really for friends and family (mostly face-to-face friends). I started my FB page with privacy enacted (and nobody knows me, anyway), immediately built friend lists when available and reset the privacy settings.

    Was at late dinner Tuesday night following SocialMediaPDX meeting and friend got phone calls on restaurant phone from two (!) people concerning knowing she was out of her house because they read it on PleaseRobMe.com Needless to say, she was very concerned and turned off 4Sq that night.

    Good luck on taking back some privacy.

  2. scott overpeck February 25, 2010 at 11:30 pm #

    2 questions:

    1. will you old (more personal blog) archive be available on the new private fb profile? I was inspired by your thoughts on fatherhood long before we ever met in real life.

    2. Who took the picture of you on the toilet? Can I get a hi res copy? (;

  3. Adam Vincenzini February 26, 2010 at 12:10 am #

    Matt, this is something I’ve been discussing with my friends (or whatever the term is!!) for the last few weeks – it’s prompted me to write a post in response: It is time to redefine ‘friend’?

    http://thecommscorner.blogspot.com/2010/02/is-it-time-to-redefine-friend.html

    I totally believe Social Media has only enriched my life, but it is a toughie…

  4. Joel Hughes February 26, 2010 at 1:03 am #

    Hi,
    Very interesting article!

    A question I have is this:
    Why didn’t you simply segregate these “non-real-live-friends” into different “facebook lists”. Not only does facebook have this availity but, since the upgrade to the publisher tool, has the ability to allow you to send different messages to different lists?

    Such an approach means you haven’t got to go through awkward “de-friending” (what a term!) or that awkward “err…should I accept you?” Bit

    Also, and this is pretty important. When you interact with someone elses fan page (and yes, I wish it were called anything but that!)you intereact via your personal account – not your fan page persona – in the current Facebook model therefore have no choice to show that there are two entities at play.

    Hopefully this makes sense – written from my blackberry so sorry if there’s any typos!

    Joel

  5. Jessica Gottlieb February 26, 2010 at 2:32 pm #

    It’s funny that we are both going through this at the same moment. I love the relationships I’ve cultivated here online just as I love the relationships I’ve cultivated in person. Separating the two may be impossible, and might not even be the goal, but my family has some needs for privacy that I have to respect.

  6. JR February 27, 2010 at 10:56 am #

    Matt, I took this route a while ago but closing up my Facebook page to only people I personally know. Great thoughts worth reading for everyone.

  7. Paul Sutton March 1, 2010 at 4:05 am #

    Great post, Matt.

    I did the same thing a few weeks back, Matt – purged my Facebook page. To me personally, my Facebook page is a private ‘resource’ to keep in touch with friends and family. I post updates, pictures and information about my personal life that my friends and family will understand because they know me as a person. So anyone who’s left (and it’s now down to around 60 people only) I know in person and offline. I use Twitter and my blog to keep in touch with others, and there’s a clear distinction between public and private in my mind.

  8. Avi H March 10, 2010 at 8:54 am #

    We (my company) started off with a Facebook group before we got a F** Page, so as admin when I had to send out messages, it came from me and not the company per se. And there are a lot of people for one reason or another – trying to get a date, looking to score a personal company insider – who would send me a friend request. I am very firm with my lines of demarcation. Twitter – work and a bit of interpersonal banter. Most updated Blog – a lengthier version of Twitter, with my secondary blogs being personal. Facebook – personal. There is no work there, and my vacation photos and opinions on politics, sports etc are not open to the masses. I don’t think I am that important or popular to have my own page but I would drive people back to my Twitter acct. I have also observed people making the most inane updates on Facebook profiles which their bosses or clients are privy too. Crazy. I am with you on keeping the social media channels specific to an audience and not confusing or traumatising those to whom certain channels may just not be relevant.

  9. Heather White Laird April 7, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

    Your actions are definitely becoming a trend. It would be preferable if Facebook did not require users to have a personal page at all, but there is no other way to have a Fan Page. There are also lots of problems with Fan Pages, such as you don’t get notified when someone comments on your wall, which you do get on your personal page. I spoke to Facebook abt this, and they freely admit they have implemented that for large companies,such as Pepsi, who can get thousands of comments and many of thousands of Likes, on a single post. But for smaller business owners, it means you constantly have to check your posts in case you need to respond to comments. BTW you know they are changing the wording and doing away with the call to action “Become A Fan”. Very soon the button will just say “Like”.

  10. MommynaniBooboo February 26, 2010 at 1:48 pm #

    Yup to the Facebook wariness.
    If I want you to know intimate or specific details about my life and family- I’ll post it on my blog :)
    I’m cleaning house as well in my friends lists.

    This comment was originally posted on Jessica Gottlieb

  11. Jennifer James February 26, 2010 at 3:03 pm #

    Interesting.

    I’m slightly turned off to the location apps because I can sit at my desk and check into my favorite coffee shop or restaurant without stepping foot in the building. I mainly used Four Square and Gowalla when I’m traveling because it’s fun.

    That said, though, doesn’t Four Square and Gowalla, and even MyTown have just as much privacy as Whrrl? I would be interested to know because I’d move to them if it has more privacy.

    This comment was originally posted on Jessica Gottlieb

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